I’ve been reading and healing people for a long time. I started reading when I was 16. I was born with the natural gift of sight and mediumship ability and I love what I do. My healing abilities ‘woke’ when I was 25 and I began body sessions offering my services to begin with for no exchange. So a long while. I’m 44 this year and I’ve seen it all in so called spiritual communities and I’m sick and tired of it. Actually that’s an understatement.
From toxic narcissistic practitioners to clients that are just the same. This will never stop, because toxic clients that are stuck in their patterns and will always be seeking attention only to avoid their issues, and toxic and narcissistic practitioners will always be in any spiritual community because it’s a strong supply of attention and pedestaling they need to survive. First I want to say, not all toxic people are narcissists but all narcissists are toxic.
So I’m going to begin with what toxic and narcissistic behaviours to look for in practitioners, then also what practitioners should watch out for in clients.
There is a big difference with a person wanting to acknowledge and heal toxic behaviours and this absolutely can be done, but a toxic person that either isn’t ready to, or just doesn’t want to which can edge on narcissistic traits. We all know narcissism cannot be healed. This will be a two part blog loves, there’s a bit I want to share.
Let’s start with narcissism in practitioners, healers, readers, ‘spiritual leadership’ also transformational workers, tantric workers, witches, shamans, new age whatevers, and of course counsellors, art therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists..it just goes on and on. It’s anywhere and everywhere.
There are different types of narcissists and I’ll cover the main ones I have witnessed in spiritual communities. Please know, some of these can overlap. This is just a bit of helpful knowledge for you, and one to observe to keep yourself safe. It’s a deep concern of mine as someone that heals. This does not help heal the earth which is all of us, and I encourage for you to keep growing your self awareness and be committed to your healing practice so you don’t find yourself in this position over and over again.
Traits of a narcissist
This describes the classic narcissist, and these traits are included in the covert and the inverted narcissist which I will mention.
Let’s not forget the malignant narcissist which can be well hidden within spiritual communities too.
Classic narcissists are attention seekers who love to brag about their accomplishments and absolute expect others to flatter and compliment them. How often I’ve witnessed this behaviour in spiritual communities is outstanding.
Can be from the smallest thing of ‘I bought a new car to look at my new tattoo.’ Then we have the ‘I’ve been a practitioner for X amount of years’ and they tend to mention this often which makes them feel it gives them dominance over the profession, that they know it all so please everyone stand up and clap.
They’re the ones that love the constant selfies and sharing really personal information that may or may not be true. They love the spotlight and will use anyone or anything to get it. They love to name drop and they have this air to them that you absolutely should be putting them on the pedestal because in their mind they are better than you. The more knowledge they accumulate, they more they expect this.
They love conversations to be about them, and them only and can get jealous really easily though they may not show it. They just may ignore you or down play your own achievements, or even pick at the faults of what you have achieved.
They get bored easy, and there’s always the next something to do which of course will be announced so they can get a standing ovation for it.
You are their supply of self importance and any need they want fulfilled.
They don’t apologise for anything because they don’t believe they have to. They usually have a really polished public appearance as well.
Observe communication. Is it warm? Does it have a disconnection feel to it where it lacks connection? Or does it lack boundaries. It’s usually one or the other or both.
Is there a harshness in their communication and demeanour?
Are they pushy, controlling and get angry when you do, believe of say something wrong that doesn’t justify that kind of response?
Do they talk themselves up a lot?
Whether online or in person, observe their moods and their openness or lack of.
Most importantly listen to how your body feels when you speak with them, whether in person or online.
The thing is, with narcissists they can put on this front that everything about what and who they are is exciting, and if you stand back and watch, most people will react in this way feeding their supply. Though the thing is, it’s not excitement you’re feeling. It’s adrenalin. Adrenalin from having your trauma wounds poked, then what I’ve observed is people want to part of their life or circle to feed what most people think is excitement but it isn’t. This want, is a want to be acknowledged from the trauma wounds that’s been poked, and the more they poke at it, you’ll find that you want their attention more and more. This is when you’ll see the empty and desperate compliments feeding the narcissist, and there you have it my loves, the toxic cycle goes around and around.
Narcissists are desperate to feel important. So is a person that’s had their trauma wounds poked, and are not aware of their wound triggers. So you see how unhealthy and concerning this is and I am certain you’ve witnessed this more than once.
So let’s throw in the traits of a malignant narcissist, who is highly manipulative. Their primary focus is to dominate and control others and will use aggression, deceit and will lie to get their way. They usually have this cruel streak and have no empathy or remorse when hurting others. Please remember many of these traits can overlap.
I’ve just outed a narcissist and watched her flounder around trying her best to cover herself. After purposely using the word gypsy to hurt myself and my daughter with no remorse knowing our ethnicity (gypsy is a slur word towards Romani people) I watched her first aggressively and with no empathy push the issue. The woman’s also pale so there’s privilege in this behaviour too, but narcissists believe they’re entitled to special treatment.
I watched from aggression, to panic after I made a video about it, and as a clinical psychologist pointed out her behaviour and she shut down her reviews on her page. After she watched the video, she reinstated everything to save face, but then went on to write about that she’s a narcissist slayer yet has never spoke about the issue which I have screenshots of, to going back and manipulating people with her personal issues so people can pity her, then back to selfies, smearing with bullshit on other racial issues yet no problem to rip down a race of people that is deeply oppressed to cover her arse. It’s all fuckery but only those that are self aware and actively working on healing themselves and their trauma wounds will see this.
The traits of a covert narcissist is more passive aggressive in nature, and many miss seeing they’ve been manipulated. Though in saying that, a lot if this can be missed because you may not be having a personal relationship with any of these people but I always say loves, if you walk away from any person feeling confused, doubtful of who you are, not feeling good about yourself, emotionally heavy and anxious, you’ve more than likely been manipulated. You may agree with them then and there, but that’s more out of a shock response because your trauma wound has been poked at and clearly you’ve experienced this before. So you may walk away feeling like ‘what the fuck just happened,’ a dazed and an emotionally heavy feeling. The grief will follow suit a little later because this is how the trauma wound of those that have been manipulated one too many times and this wound usually stems from their childhoods.
So you could be in session with covert narcissist or just in conversation with them, but you’ll know after you’ve walked away from one.
The last one is the inverted narcissist.
Now the inverted narcissist is a covert and vulnerable narcissist that actually needs to make connections with other narcissists to feel special. So you may see this in spiritual circles where there’s more than one leading a workshop or whatever, or just need to be seen together. These narcissists are codependent on other narcissists and usually have experienced severe childhood abandonment. Nevertheless, they have these traits along with the usual narcissistic traits and can pull on the opinions of other narcissists to shame you, and it becomes bullying in the sense that how you feel is wrong and isn’t important, and I know many many people have experienced this in spiritual circles.
Toxic traits in spiritual practitioners has a lot to do with shaming a person with how they feel and lack boundaries. They are passive aggressive and aggressive as well. Their communication isn’t clear, and they have trouble saying what they really mean, so their communication will always feel like there is an undertone to what they actually are saying, and you’ll feel this unease. It’s also a feeling like you owe them something for helping you. They emanate a poisonous feel and is always pulling people down, are highly aggressive, manipulative, but can also play the victim really well. You will know by how they make you feel. It’s challenging to be around these people for long lengths of time. The difference between toxic behaviour and a narcissist, is toxicity has troubled and wounded behavioural patterns that stem from childhood but can be healed, where as a narcissist is a personality disorder and is a mental illness. People can have narcissist traits and not be a narcissist also. Usually these traits tend to stand in certain situations because they believe a certain something they refuse to let go which points out the wound pretty clearly. It’s really important to know the difference so the term narcissist isn’t the next thing to smear a person with. It’s serious and should be spoke about seriously.
Before I end this, I need to make clear that narcissists are also highly intuitive. I don’t know why people think they are not because you need intuition to manipulate and read people very well to maintain a false image. Narcissists are usually created from deep traumas from childhood, so a need for high senses is where intuition is strengthened. So please keep this in mind. Mix it with knowledge from books, and it’s a pretty potent mix to have in alternative communities.
I hope this gives you some helpful knowledge because it is a huge problem everywhere not just in spiritual communities it’s just there are a lot of vulnerable people seeking help that can be manipulated too easy. Will be back soon for blog number two. Don’t forget to visit my offical website here –> https://snakeandwildroots.com.au
With love xx